Oh, baby girl. If only I could be there with you right now. Don’t think I didn’t notice. I can always tell when you’re trying to hide yourself from me, your pain. And it breaks my heart that you feel as if you have to hide from me. Because you don’t. I’m gonna try to do my best here and put everything into words. So you can have something tangible. Solid proof that everything I’m about to write - I wholeheartedly believe.
Sweetheart, I know how much it hurts. And I know that right now, it feels as if nothing is going right and that the world has turned against you. I know waking up is hard and I know that you have to force yourself to do normal things. And I know that the mirror is your worst enemy; more than any monster out there on this earth. I know that each time you get lost in your head, when you're sitting there by your desk, trying to study and trying to go on with your life; that you feel this ache in your chest that doesn't go away. Its as if somebody had forced iron down your throat and its stuck there inside you. And sometimes the tears just won't goddamn stop, and all this pain and misery feels as if it's going to kill you.
I know it all
Trust me. I've been there, sweetheart
But just know that I'm here. I'm always here. No matter what time, any place, anywhere. Just close your pretty eyes and know that this heart inside my chest- beats solely for you. That every breath I take, every battle I fight; its all for you. Because I know that it feels like there is no one there for you; that no one cares about you. But I do. I do. So much it fucking hurts. Sometimes there are not enough words in the English language that can describe just how much I care about you. How much I love you. How much I fight for you. Every evil son of a bitch that I take out is so that you can live on a planet that has one less demon to face up against. Because while the real ones are scary as hell, there's nothing like the ones living in our heads. In your head.
I'm so proud of you, baby. I'm so proud of you when you wake up. When you brush your hair and put on that beautiful smile that I love so much. I'm proud of you when you go throughout your day and come home safe and sound. And sure sometimes its gonna be hell. Some days are gonna be worse than others. And I know that you cry yourself to sleep sometimes. And that you feel so numb and so messy that you don't even know where to begin. But I'm so proud of you anyways. Because you're still here. You're still fighting the good fight.
Sweetheart. If there is anything I have learned over the past few years, its that you gotta be kind to yourself. You work so hard, you love and you laugh and you're so kind. But the words you want to scream to yourself, the haunting that goes inside your mind you gotta push through and love yourself and treat yourself right.
You're gonna be weak. And I'm still gonna love you just the same. You're gonna cry. And I'll be there to whisper in your ear how strong you are. You're gonna wanna punch the wall and tear your hair out. And I'll be there to kiss your tense knuckles and to rub your back so you can fall asleep.
I'll be there. I'll always be there.
This isn't much, but I hope its enough for right now.
I love you, sweetheart.
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